Every human needs some kind of purpose. But it’s usually up to every induvidual to fugure out what that purpose is. Some might find it through their work, while others needs to seek it elsewhere. For me this was always a great issue. After high school ended, I had several diagnosis: depression, anxiety – and even a personal disorder. This made me a scared, confused and angry person with no selv control. I had no job, no friends and nothing better to do than to play games all day long. I didn’t feel happy with my life, or relaxed in any way, but I was paralyzed with fear. I tried my best to change, but my best was far from enough. In other words: I had no purpose. Nothing to fight for. Nothing to grow on.
It took me about ten years to find the right path. I got a full time job as an intern, and I slowly started to pull myself out of the deep mud I was in. Shortly after I had left my 10 year long relationship (and marriage), my house and my dog to start all over. The thing I realized was: I had never learned to stand on my own two feet. There had always been people I had been dependent on: First my parents, then my exhusband. And even if they really wanted to help me, they could never make my life better. That was something I had to do all by myself. It was as simple as this: I didn’t need someone to comfort me and give me a shoulder to cry on. I needed a hard push.
I started tracking calories to lose weight, with very little experience on nutrition. Then I also started working out. First three times a week, consistently. As I learnt more about nutrition, I started calculation my macros and made sure I ate enough protein, carbs and fat. After a few months I added to more days to my workout.