Every day for about ten years was used on gaming. Often quite a lot of time every day too. This was possible at the time when I had neither a job nor other interests. I found a kind of comfort in sinking into another world and ignoring all the problems around me, since they were all too overwhelming. I didn’t even know how to start to take back my “real life.”
Don’t get me wrong. I love gaming and are very happy that I had the opportunity to sink into another world while the real world was far too scary. I’m glad I had something to fill my days with and that I found people to talk to. And it’s definitely not gaming that was the reason why my life was on hold for 10 years.
When I finally found the willpower to get away from the keyboard and try to do something about my life, such as getting to work and starting training, I quickly noticed that my spare time was reduced to nothing. I was used to doing what I wanted, whenever I wanted. Suddenly I had a full calendar. Often when I got home at the end of the day, after both work and workout was done, I had perhaps a couple of hours left of the day before I had to go to bed. And I just couldn’t bear the thought of trying to get into a new game or trying to get back into another one I was already playing. I had kinda “fallen out” of all my gaming routines and lost contact with most of the people I had previously played with. Besides, gaming was a constant reminder of the life I had once lived, and I didn’t want it back.
From time to time, I missed the feeling of sitting in front of the PC and turning on a game, but I still couldn’t bear to make time for it in my busy schedule. I instead spent my free time relaxing while watching TV or trying to become more social. I just wasn’t ready to return to the gaming world.
This was the case for well over a year, and I didn’t really attempt at coming back at all. But eventually I felt a drag towards some of the positive gaming life had given me. And that is the stage where I am at now. One week I can feel a big motivation to sit down to play, but another week I can’t even bear the thought. I’d like to stream consistently 2-3 days a week, but right now it seems to be difficult, as I still haven’t quite regained the motivation for gaming. I don’t even know if I can call myself a gamer anymore.
If there’s a game out that I’ve been really looking forward to, I have no problem finding time for it. I found that out when both Cyberpunk 2077 and Assassin’s Creed Valhalla came out one after the other. But I think the problem is that I have difficulty finding a game that can keep my interest over time. I miss Final Fantasy XIV quite a lot these days, and part of me wants to try things like raid again, but at the same time I don’t know if I have enough motivation to actually go through with it.
I hope I find my way back to gaming life, in one form or another. But I’m probably never going to play as intensely as I did back then.